Children's Movies Will Never Be the Same

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Hair Crisis, Red Alert!

I really  need some help, folks. I need to cut my hair off. Not all of it, just most of it. It's too long, and the last 2 inches of my long and pretty hair is dry and splitting (so it needs to be cut anyway). I want to have a bob, but I can't decide what kind!! I want to be able to make my hair funky no matter how I style it: straight or curly or wavy.

So I'm putting it up to you guys, if you want to help. If not, I totally understand. Since I'll blame you all if I pick one and it looks terrible. Because I have no mind of my own, so being this young and impressionable means it is your responsibility to steer me in the right cosmetic direction.

The choice is yours.

#1- Carrie Bradshaw Bob

I love this bob, but I've never had it cut properly. It always ends up looking like the picture below.

This was the night I killed Papa Smurf.

#2- Some Hot Blonde Chick with Bangs

This is absolutely adorable. It looks a lot like my profile picture for my blog, but shoulder length instead of middle of my back. But can I make it look funky, also?

#3- Another Hot Blonde Chick with Much Less Hair

So sexy and short. Easy to manage. But my hair is super curly (see above picture). Will it do this, or just a shorter version of the thing above?

It's a conundrum folks. I just can't decide. I need some help. Pick your favorite, and I'll go with it! It's just hair. It'll grow back in 4 years.

Also, it's been a while since I've promoted my own jewelry-making finesse on my blog, so it's time again for you to patronize my shop! Shop at my shop. Not be condescending. What a weird word to make mean two totally opposite things...

There's a matching necklace that looks REALLY FRIGGIN CUTE SO BUY IT ALL!!

Lessons in How to Complain Effectively

It's been a little bit since I posted. I've been messing with stupid things (like "Where's my life going, for real??!"), but I've got a new post now!

I don't know if you know this, but I work in jobs that have customer to me interactions all the damn time. I have seen a lot of good customer behaviors, such as thanking me when I do something positive for them, putting something back where it belongs when they don't want it (or just giving it to me so I can put it back), and asking if they can throw something in our trash can instead of just putting their gum on a shelf or that used tissue on the floor.

On the flip side, I have also seen a lot of poor to disgraceful customer behaviors. My biggest pet peeve in the world is screaming to get your way. There is absolutely NO FUCKING REASON to yell when you have a complaint or want something done. I will tell you right now that if you are polite, but insistent, I am more likely to not only give you what you want, but do something extra special for not being a total douchefuck about it. If you come in, complaint guns cocked and loaded, I will still give you your way, but will make it take 5x as long just because you're making me feel like shit. I may not always do it on purpose, but being stressed makes you take longer to process things. Ask any person who works in a service job. They will tell you the same thing.

So, I'm giving a simple lesson on how to get your way without resorting to becoming the Hulk.

Here's my own personal scenario. I spent $50 to get my roots redone and hair touched up last week. I have blonde hair, but have since dyed it dark brown, and it was time for a fix. It looked fine in the store, but when I got home under my own lighting, I notice that, where my roots grew out, the color was coppery, not at all chocolate brown. It didn't look too bad, so I thought I'd wait to see what my hair would look like after I washed it. I was careful, gentle, and used warm water and color safe shampoo/conditioner. Afterwards, my hair looked worse. So I called to get it fixed.

1. Be polite from the start. I called with a calm voice (with just the slightest hint of remorse that I had to call). Being calm and polite from the get go puts the person you have to complain to in a state of ease, and makes them more sympathetic (instead of angry, because you're a raging douchefuck).
2. Explain yourself thoroughly, but only with valid points. I told the girl exactly what I said above. Adding feelings and stuff to try and gain sympathy makes the listener want to scoff at your ridiculous portrayal of a sad situation. "I bought these sheets last night and saw a big run in the middle after putting them on the bed" is better than "I bought these sheets last night and the run was so obnoxious we couldn't use them and had to use our old, scratchy sheets. I got terrible sleep." I so don't care at that point.
3. Avoid raising your voice. I don't just mean to not get angry. I mean don't raise your voice every other sentence and make a scene so that hopefully a manager will hear and come over and shut you up or I'll want you to shut up and give you what you want. I've had that happen, too. Being louder is absolutely unnecessary and just pathetic. You sound like a 2 year old who wants a lollipop. "I want one. I WANT one. I WANT ONE. I WANT ONE I WANT ONE IWANTONEIWANTONE!!!!! (<-----ridiculous)
4. Be understanding of their policies, but be politely insistent to get what you need. A lady came in and had a late charge. She brought the movie back a day late. I told her the price of her new rentals plus the fee and she said she thought she was told it was due that day. I told her that mistakes happen and I've forgotten when things were due, and she didn't have to pay the whole thing today. She was polite, but insisted that since she remembers being told it was today, she shouldn't have to pay it. So I said.........ready for it? "Ok! I'll take care of it for you. I'll print off a receipt with the due dates for you so you know when they're due back." No screaming needed. Quick and easy. She was polite, but insistent upon having it her way. And I respect that. PLUS, any store will still do what they need to if it's good for the customer.

So, the end of my story is that, because I was so polite about it, they said they could get me in to have it fixed today, free of charge. I didn't demand it not cost anything, but because I politely asked if there was going to be any cost for me, she said no. I would have still gotten my way by screaming and accusing people like a freak, but I'd have to worry about coming away with worse hair, wouldn't I?

It's 11PM, Do You Know Where Your Drunk Friend Is?

Everybody has their share of awesome college stories. Times they got drunk and did stupid stuff, times they did stupid stuff sober, police run ins, drug-fueled misadventures (thank you Robert Brockway), and the list goes on and on.

Well, I personally have a great lesson in why you should always lock your dorm room door. For once, this was NOT something I thought I was seeing in my sleep (see I See Dead People...). I warn all my cute little college bound cousins and friends about the dangers of leaving your door unlocked at night. What if you thought you did everything right, but everything turns out so very very wrong?


Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story:

The Tale of Some Drunk Bitch In My Bed.


It was a cold December evening. My roommate and I had our last final of our Sophomore year, Music History, at 8 AM, and were about as prepared as anybody was who took Music History. So, pretty much winging it at that point. In fact, rather than study, we took pictures of ourselves sprawled in the hallway with bottles of Jones Soda surrounding us as if we were passed out. We were thorough. We took the labels off.

Ah memories.

Anyway,  I slept on the top bunk and usually used a special corner of my desk that wasn't cluttered to climb up into it. For once, the desk was completely clear, so getting into bed was easy. We even decided it was time to unplug our Christmas lights, which we left on 24/7 to leave a pleasant glow while we slept, as well as avoid my snapping my spine climbing down the bunk to go pee at night. We thought we had locked the door, because we always locked the door.

Let me recap here:

Clear desk.
No lights.
Unlocked door.

                                       I search for "DANGER", and this is what I get.                                       Marco Torresin

At around 3 AM, I wake up to the feeling of someone watching me. Startled, I look up to see my roommate, who giggles, and then slithers head first under my covers with me. Totally creeped out, I lift the covers and say, "Ang...what are you doing?" She responds with a giggle and pulls the covers back over her face. I notice a strong smell of alcohol emanating from her covered face, which strikes me as odd, because we went to bed at the same time, and she was definitely sober.

Not being one to judge (and finding it next to impossible to get her out of my bed), I think, "Fine. If she's going to sleep in MY bed, I'm just going to sleep in hers" and climb down. After I hop off of my desk, I start towards her bed when I notice, shockingly, my roommate Ang sleeping in her bed.

Imagine expecting this but seeing the person who should                  Photostock

         have been in your bed in her bed. Yep.

Seeing as how it's 3 AM and I'm still groggy, my first impulse is to scream "HOLY SHIT THERE'S A GOD DAMN GHOST IN MY BED!!!" Opting for a quieter, much saner route, I whisper in a panic,

"Ang. Ang! There's a girl in my bed!"

My roommate, having experienced my sleep talking, says in all seriousness, "Are you awake?"
I whisper less quietly, "Of course I am! What the hell kind of question is that?"
"Hey Roomie?"
"Yeah Ang?"
"There's a girl in your bed."

                                           YOU THINK????!!!                                  Graur Codrin

Resisting the impulse to throw something at her, I go turn on the light while she gets up to investigate. I hear her start to giggle as soon as I turn the light on and I ask her what's so funny.

Then she lifted the sheets.

It's less cute when you replace a teddy bear with a passed out 21 year old stranger, unless, of course, you're a guy,

My mysterious and drunken bed thief had wet herself. She had turned 21 that night and was sleeping in the RA's room, and perhaps wet herself on the way to the bathroom and walked 3 doors down to our room. Apparently before she decided to be my bed buddy, she tried to climb into bed with my roommate, who thought it was me being weird and sleep walking. She then sat, with her pee soaked self, in my desk chair and stared at Ang until perhaps it seemed she should try for the top bunk instead.

After convincing her she needed to go back to the RA's room, I got 3 more hours of sleep on the floor before my stupid final.


Extra points if you picked up on the 'Are You Afraid of the Dark?' reference.

I See Dead People...

Sometimes when I'm sleeping, I have night terrors. What are these, you might wonder?

I'm too lazy to explain the whole thing, so here's a link to what it is in its entirety. Basically, I wake up screaming thinking I've seen something (almost always spiders). I'm still sorta asleep, and I always vaguely remember it when I wake up the next day.

Also, apparently it's a thing mostly for kids. Which makes it even sadder that I'm afflicted with it. I think this means I've never quite grown up.

My poor husband has dealt with this since we started dating. I'd be snuggled next to him, sleeping peacefully, and then I would think I'd see a spider crawling up my arm, up the pillow, down the wall, and I'd start to quietly scream and quick turn on the lights to find the damn thing. If it wasn't for him, I probably would never get back to sleep, because he always reassures me that there is and never was any spider. Then I go back to sleep.

Well, recently, I had a nasty stress headache due to the fact that I might become a store manager. Now now, as angry as I get about customers, believe it or not, I'm great at my job and people almost always leave happy. I just have lots of internal malcontent and disbelief at the way people act when they aren't working. It's appalling. I'm NICER than usual when shopping.

Anyway, I have NO IDEA why, instead of a spider, I saw half of an eggshell on my knee, but I did. And for some reason, it falling off of my knee and landing on the bed freaked me out. So Dave comes running in (because he heard my usual "aaaaAAAAAaaAAAAAH!" that happens when I'm about to wake up in a panic), and asked what was wrong. With all the sensibility of one who is asleep, I say:

Me: "There was a half shell on my knee."
Dave: "A half shell?"
Me: "Yes, and it fell off. Is it on the bed?"
Dave: "No."
Me: "Is it on the floor?"
Dave: "No."
Me: "Oh. Ok."

I fell back asleep and don't remember anything else, but apparently that wasn't the end. My husband said one last thing:

Dave: "Heroes in a half shell..."
Me: "Turtle power."

Only my better half would take advantage of my unconscious state at such an opportune moment.

Plus, I totally do that to him when he talks in his sleep. You should try it sometime.

I'm a Little Bit Obsessive, I'm a Little Bit Compulsive

Everybody's a little obsessive-compulsive. That's what a person who is obsessive-compulsive says to justify being obsessive-compulsive.

Me? Yep. Totally have a little OCD in me. I notice how the painting in our living room looks like it's crooked because the futon mattress below it is crooked. I hate when my husband leaves the lights on in every room he leaves. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TURN THE BATHROOM LIGHT OFF, DAVE??!!

ALL THE LIGHTS!!                                                                             Winnond

In fact, I'm going to make a list of ways you know you have OCD.

YOU MAY HAVE OCD:

1. If you have anxiety about anybody but you mixing the ingredients for Russian Tea because they might mix them in the wrong order/measurements and make it taste WRONG.
2. If you unconsciously repeat a silly phrase or word or name over and over and don't realize you're saying it out loud or that you've even been saying it in the first place. Plllacce. Plllaacce. Placeplaceplace. Plasssaaayaah!
3. If you over think the order in which you wash your hair, face, and shave in the shower.
4. If you over think EVERY SINGLE THING that could possibly have an order to it (cooking, cleaning, dressing). Clean sink, toilet, shower, floor. NO OTHER ORDER.
5. When you feel anxiety or frustration over the simplest changes to your routine or schedule. I personally hate when I leave at exactly 10 minutes until my shift starts, and this little old lady going 10 under the speed limit makes me less than 5 minutes early. I go into KILL KILL mode.
6. When your husband asks you, "Should we get a Student Driver car for our next vehicle so you can control the brakes when I drive?"...every other time you go anywhere in the car.

I never realized I was like that, until my husband lovingly mentioned it. Then when I thought about it, I realized HOLY CRAP I'M OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE! Now I notice it in everything I do. But, I also try harder to squash the need to correct when my husband brakes, merges into another lane, uses his turn signal, speeds through a yellow light, doesn't slow down as much as I do when making a t....Hm. Maybe he's just a terrible driver.

Anyway, I know that a lot of bloggers post things they like that they think other people should/might like. I'm going to do that, because I often find ridiculous videos/pictures/songs on the internets and think other people would get a kick out them.

I say ALL OF THESE THINGS

If we ever decide we want to spawn, this will be our guide to successfully raising kids. Notice the Millennium Falcon in the background.

We'd totally do this if we had a dog.

Dear, I found this photo from that trip we took when Billy broke his arm...

I got this from The Bloggess and wanted to share it with you!

And here's a cover of it. I can't decide which I like better.

Finally, check out my jewelry! It'd make for a good present for you or your significant other, a niffty way to carry your keys, AND I could feed my shoe fix. You don't want me to go shoe hungry, do you? DO YOU??

You know you want it.

Hope your weekend was fun!

My Neighbors: An Auditory Journey

So, my husband and I live in a crappy apartment, in a neighborhood that is on the border of dying commercial and "the bad side of town". Honestly, I'm shocked that nobody's broken the windows out of my car yet. I think the people who live around us are busy screaming and yelling at each other, outside, where my husband and I gleefully watch them have their domestic dispute from our windows, inside. We don't have cable. Don't judge.

                                     Our Jersey Shore, minus the carrot and                 Photostock
add more screaming and fist throwing

Anyway, our apartment does have some interesting features. It has giant ugly radiators that do a surprisingly good job heating our crappy apartment, decent insulation, copious amounts of outlets, and relatively new windows. That's where the good attributes end. Let me list the negatively interesting features:

1. Many brownish ceiling tiles. That were once white. That leak water when the upstairs neighbor takes a bath. Ew.

These are over the stove.

2. A little 3'X3' stove with absolutely no temperatures on the dials. No, not worn off. NONE PUT THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Hi I'm cute, inefficient, and make guesswork in cooking a daily practice!

3. A random hole in the wall where, perhaps, a dryer might have been. In the kitchen.

WHY ARE YOU HERE??!!!!

4. A random 4'X2' rectangular hole in the closet of our bathroom, which leads into the concrete space behind the shower.

I didn't take a picture of our basement. That is where our downstairs neighbor lives.
This is in our bathroom closet, where our towels and things go. There is no door for it.
We keep the closet door closed and locked.

And finally (to reach the point of my post), thin floors.

Sorry. I didn't have a picture to indicate thin floors. Use your imagination, children.

You have no idea how thin. People always say, "OMG THEY ARE SO LOUD I SWEAR I CAN HEAR WHAT THEY'RE SAYING." Well, you people who say that and are exaggerating, I CAN hear exactly what my neighbor is saying, whether he's talking loudly or not.

Our floors are so thin I can hear him talking as if he's in the next room. If I'm in the bathroom peeing and he happens to have to go at the same time, I CAN HEAR HIM PEEING LIKE HE'S THERE WITH ME. You have no idea how creepy that is. And how hard it is to pee knowing he can hear you, too.

My neighbor is a smoker. Our bathroom reeks of cigarettes because he smokes in or near there. He either has emphysema, pneumonia, bronchitis, or a combination of the three, because I hear him coughing nasty phlegmy coughs and hacking up snot for HOURS every morning. It's so loud it wakes me up like an alarm.

Then there was that month where he randomly let a friend with a toddler and a baby stay over. Remember how I told you I can hear everything he says? I could also hear everything the baby screamed, the toddler screamed, and the mom and my neighbor screamed at the toddler and baby. It got to the point where we considered calling the cops because there was just so much yelling. Who tells a baby to "shut the fuck up"? Apparently my neighbor. Don't even justify it. As stressful as having kids is, you don't do that kind of stuff. Good parents don't scream profanities at crying babies.

Rubber glove hand says NO                       Ambro

He also invites his very loud friend over, and I'm fairly certain they're both stoned when they get together. The conversation goes as such:

Neighbor: "Mnuyo wmoyonuyo wom wom wom, maaan."
Friend: "Wudsa buynyum woommoyououzzu!"
Neighbor: "NAAAAAAH...nyum byumnuggwuyoo, maaan."
Friend: "?????????????????"
Neighbor: "???!!!?!!!?!?!?!?!!?????, maaaaaaan"

I wonder if they actually know what words the other is saying, or if it's like cavemen and, really, all grunts mean the same thing. It's like listening to a conversation between two Rocky Balboas.

"Mubmnyuwooza wuzauuup, maaaan."                            Wikipedia

"Om nom nom nom nom, dude."                       Source

Completely ridiculous. We'd move if it weren't so expensive. And entertaining.