Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Review of Reviewers

I'm pretty nerdy when it comes to reading. I love to read, because for me it's like watching a movie playing in front of my eyes, but it's my imagination forming the pictures from the words. I can lose myself in a book so thoroughly that I'll start to feel the emotions of the characters, the adrenaline from an action scene.

I also can get very protective of authors. Because I get so into books, I feel the need to defend an author's masterpiece. A lot of people do this. So this review is for the terrible reviewers of the final book in the Hunger Games trilogy: Mockingjay.

!!!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!!!

IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE BOOKS OR WANT TO WATCH THE MOVIE, I'M GONNA RUIN BOTH FOR YOU BECAUSE THIS IS ENTIRELY ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THE BOOKS!

Now that that's out of the way, I very much hate how people are flogging Mockingjay with poor reviews. A lot of people say that it was "disappointing", "whiny", "less exciting that the first two". I agree with all of those statements, but for completely different reasons, for positive reasons, if you will.

Let me explain.

The first book sets a post-apocalyptic scene with a 16 year old girl Katniss who is tired of the poverty and oppression in her life. She and thousands of boys and girls from ages 12-18 must enter their names into a pool to be chosen for  the Hunger Games, a punishment for the past rebellion of the Districts against the Capitol. One boy and one girl from 12 Districts. They fight to the death in an arena, until one person is left, and their District receives food for the year until the next games. Hence Hunger Games.

When Katniss's sister is chosen in her first year putting her name into the pool, Katniss steps in to take her place, and is given a mockingjay medallion to wear. She goes to the games, and through an exciting series of trials, near death experiences, and pure cunning, she and the boy from her district, Peeta, survive and are both permitted to live. She suddenly finds herself becoming a symbol for the few rebels who still have hope of a world without the Capitol. Her mockingjay becomes her identity for change. She begins to fall in love with Peeta.

The second book finds Katniss and Peeta living wealthy, but not happily. The Capitol's President suspects her impending treason and decide that, for the 75th anniversary of the Hunger Games, they will throw all of the old winners' names into a pool and select them again. Peeta and Katniss go back to the Hunger Games, with a new series of challenges far more horrific than ever before. They manage to rally together and form a pact with a few from other districts to stay alive. Katniss discovers the invisible barrier to the arena and their team create a way to escape. Katniss is saved and finds herself in the hands of the rebels, but Peeta is captured and tortured by the Capitol. She realizes how deeply she feels for him.

Now to the third book. The third book is entirely about Katniss's struggle against being a prop for the rebellion, but trying to take down the Capitol, helping to save lives of thousands who believe in her, their mockingjay. Often she has nightmares, is depressed, and not the strong character she was in the first two books. She seems to have unraveled, and when Peeta is saved from the Capitol., she finds his mind has been "hacked", and he has been poisoned against her, to believe she is the problem and should be killed. After much internal struggle, she makes plans to attack the Capitol and kill the President, thus inspiring the rebels to attack. The Capitol's president is captured and sentenced to death after a trial, but Katniss discovered that the leader of the rebellion has decided to reinstate the Hunger Games as a punishment for the Capitol's crimes. Katniss kills the leader, and after awaiting trial, is released to go home to her district. The epilogue fills in how, though Peeta remembers how much he loves her and they get married and have children, he still has the urge to kill her every once in a while, and somberly Katniss remembers the people who died as her children run through the fields.

Super long, I know, but I had to describe them. The third book is less exciting and uplifting than the other two. It reads more like a losing battle than a defeat of the oppression of the Capitol and Hunger Games. But let me put it this way:  war sucks for everyone. Although we may have succeeded in killing Osama, we still have the scars of 9/11. People who go to war and come back having won are never the same. It is not the same happy world for them. And yes, damn it, of course by the third book Katniss is distraught and less strong. SHE'S FUCKING 16. AND KILLED HALF A DOZEN PEOPLE. AND WATCHED PEOPLE DIE HORRIFIC DEATHS.

The third book is a realistic look at what winning such a battle actually is for the people who fought. And she is so young, and has no happy memories of a good childhood, that the two Hunger Games just destroyed her. It's not triumphant. It's not the slightest bit satisfying as a happy ending, but boy is it real. And that is why I hate that people say it was terrible. Because guess what, war is terrible, just in case you didn't know.

Want a happy ending? Watch a Disney movie. But not Up, because that movie is depressing as shit.

Also, my husband put out his metal cover of Rihanna's S&M, and it's AMAZING. So go buy it and his metal cover of E.T., because that is ALSO AMAZING!!!!


Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Children's Movies Will Never Be the Same

Last night I was bored and decided to entertain myself with the wit of our friends. On Facebook, I told everybody that I wanted to play a fun game called "Children's Movie Titles with a Real World Twist."

Here are some of my favorites:


  1. Pippi Longstocking Goes to the OB/GYN
  2. Sleeping Beauty 2: My Life with Narcolepsy
  3. Snow White and the Seven Male Prostitutes
  4. Charlie and the Chocolate Slim Fast
  5. Unhappy Feet: Living with Restless Leg Syndrome
  6. Alice on Mushrooms
  7. The Hunchback of Notre Dame Judy Dench
  8. The Scurvy of the Pirates of the Caribbean
  9. Jungle Book 3: Dengue Fever
  10. Lil Red Riding In Da Hood
  11. Air Bud Meets Traffic
  12. Miracle on Death Row
  13. Power Park Rangers
  14. GI Average Joe
  15. 103 Dalmations: Puppy Mill
  16. Mars Needs MILFS
  17. Charlotte's Website
  18. Field of Dreams 2: Foreclosure
  19. Brother Bear Attack
  20. Pocahontas: Trail of Tears
  21. The Dark Crystal Meth
  22. Beauty and the Beastiality
  23. Horton Hires a Whore
  24. Chicken Run 2: General Tso
  25. Green Eggs and Salmonella
  26. It's the Wrong Hole, Charlie Brown
  27. Homeward Bound 3: A Trip to the Farm
  28. Bedknobs and Broomsticks: Strange Insertions
  29. Dennis the Phantom Menace
  30. Parent Trap 2: Separated Again
  31. Meat the Robinsons
  32. The Sorcerer's Apprentice: Unpaid Overtime
  33. The Hobbit: There and Back Again Because I Forgot My Damn Wallet
  34. Fievel: A Tale of Deportation
  35. Chitty Chitty Gang Bang
  36. Trains, Planes, and Autoerotic Asphyxiation
  37. Journey to About 6 Miles Beneath the Earth
  38. Babe 4: Pigs in a Blanket
  39. Dr. Dolittle Boys
  40. Toy Story 4: Andy Gets and XBOX
And our personal favorite.......

    41. Middle-Aged Mutant Ninja Accountants


It was super fun, absolutely nowhere near productive, and we had over 183 submissions. It was a great way to spend an hour online!
Also, my husband just released his metal cover of S&M by Rihanna to iTunes! If you like metal music (and I'm not saying Death Metal, but a mix between pop and metal), you will like his stuff! Go to his music page and listen to it, then download and buy it there or when it hits iTunes later today!


Saturday, March 10, 2012

Hair Crisis, Red Alert!

I really  need some help, folks. I need to cut my hair off. Not all of it, just most of it. It's too long, and the last 2 inches of my long and pretty hair is dry and splitting (so it needs to be cut anyway). I want to have a bob, but I can't decide what kind!! I want to be able to make my hair funky no matter how I style it: straight or curly or wavy.

So I'm putting it up to you guys, if you want to help. If not, I totally understand. Since I'll blame you all if I pick one and it looks terrible. Because I have no mind of my own, so being this young and impressionable means it is your responsibility to steer me in the right cosmetic direction.

The choice is yours.

#1- Carrie Bradshaw Bob

I love this bob, but I've never had it cut properly. It always ends up looking like the picture below.
This was the night I killed Papa Smurf.

#2- Some Hot Blonde Chick with Bangs


This is absolutely adorable. It looks a lot like my profile picture for my blog, but shoulder length instead of middle of my back. But can I make it look funky, also?

#3- Another Hot Blonde Chick with Much Less Hair

So sexy and short. Easy to manage. But my hair is super curly (see above picture). Will it do this, or just a shorter version of the thing above?


It's a conundrum folks. I just can't decide. I need some help. Pick your favorite, and I'll go with it! It's just hair. It'll grow back in 4 years.


Also, it's been a while since I've promoted my own jewelry-making finesse on my blog, so it's time again for you to patronize my shop! Shop at my shop. Not be condescending. What a weird word to make mean two totally opposite things...

There's a matching necklace that looks REALLY FRIGGIN CUTE SO BUY IT ALL!!





Sunday, March 4, 2012

Lessons in How to Complain Effectively

It's been a little bit since I posted. I've been messing with stupid things (like "Where's my life going, for real??!"), but I've got a new post now!

I don't know if you know this, but I work in jobs that have customer to me interactions all the damn time. I have seen a lot of good customer behaviors, such as thanking me when I do something positive for them, putting something back where it belongs when they don't want it (or just giving it to me so I can put it back), and asking if they can throw something in our trash can instead of just putting their gum on a shelf or that used tissue on the floor.

On the flip side, I have also seen a lot of poor to disgraceful customer behaviors. My biggest pet peeve in the world is screaming to get your way. There is absolutely NO FUCKING REASON to yell when you have a complaint or want something done. I will tell you right now that if you are polite, but insistent, I am more likely to not only give you what you want, but do something extra special for not being a total douchefuck about it. If you come in, complaint guns cocked and loaded, I will still give you your way, but will make it take 5x as long just because you're making me feel like shit. I may not always do it on purpose, but being stressed makes you take longer to process things. Ask any person who works in a service job. They will tell you the same thing.

So, I'm giving a simple lesson on how to get your way without resorting to becoming the Hulk.

Here's my own personal scenario. I spent $50 to get my roots redone and hair touched up last week. I have blonde hair, but have since dyed it dark brown, and it was time for a fix. It looked fine in the store, but when I got home under my own lighting, I notice that, where my roots grew out, the color was coppery, not at all chocolate brown. It didn't look too bad, so I thought I'd wait to see what my hair would look like after I washed it. I was careful, gentle, and used warm water and color safe shampoo/conditioner. Afterwards, my hair looked worse. So I called to get it fixed.


  1. Be polite from the start. I called with a calm voice (with just the slightest hint of remorse that I had to call). Being calm and polite from the get go puts the person you have to complain to in a state of ease, and makes them more sympathetic (instead of angry, because you're a raging douchefuck).
  2. Explain yourself thoroughly, but only with valid points. I told the girl exactly what I said above. Adding feelings and stuff to try and gain sympathy makes the listener want to scoff at your ridiculous portrayal of a sad situation. "I bought these sheets last night and saw a big run in the middle after putting them on the bed" is better than "I bought these sheets last night and the run was so obnoxious we couldn't use them and had to use our old, scratchy sheets. I got terrible sleep." I so don't care at that point.
  3. Avoid raising your voice. I don't just mean to not get angry. I mean don't raise your voice every other sentence and make a scene so that hopefully a manager will hear and come over and shut you up or I'll want you to shut up and give you what you want. I've had that happen, too. Being louder is absolutely unnecessary and just pathetic. You sound like a 2 year old who wants a lollipop. "I want one. I WANT one. I WANT ONE. I WANT ONE I WANT ONE IWANTONEIWANTONE!!!!! (<-----ridiculous)
  4. Be understanding of their policies, but be politely insistent to get what you need. A lady came in and had a late charge. She brought the movie back a day late. I told her the price of her new rentals plus the fee and she said she thought she was told it was due that day. I told her that mistakes happen and I've forgotten when things were due, and she didn't have to pay the whole thing today. She was polite, but insisted that since she remembers being told it was today, she shouldn't have to pay it. So I said.........ready for it? "Ok! I'll take care of it for you. I'll print off a receipt with the due dates for you so you know when they're due back." No screaming needed. Quick and easy. She was polite, but insistent upon having it her way. And I respect that. PLUS, any store will still do what they need to if it's good for the customer.
So, the end of my story is that, because I was so polite about it, they said they could get me in to have it fixed today, free of charge. I didn't demand it not cost anything, but because I politely asked if there was going to be any cost for me, she said no. I would have still gotten my way by screaming and accusing people like a freak, but I'd have to worry about coming away with worse hair, wouldn't I?