Saturday, January 14, 2012

New beginnings for a new year

TA DAAAAAH! I dyed my hair dark brown!

I particularly love the amputated arms in this picture.

I felt like I needed it. I always choose to dye my hair darker every handful of years or so. And every other time I have done so, I usually regretted it immediately. The color was too light, too dark, too red. Plus, I never went to a hair stylist. I always had a friend or my poor mom do it for me.

This time was different, though. I decided I would pay the extra money to have it done professionally, and have the color I wanted. I said I wanted it a little darker than medium brown, and no red in it whatsoever. The stylist and I picked out two colors to mix, and VOILE! I have chocolate brown hair!

I haven't regretted it at all. It's the change I needed, the spark to jump start my new year out of a dreary and sad dullness that leads to me falling into mini self-esteem issues and feelings of depression that I won't be able to pull myself out of. But I feel bolder, stronger, funnier, prettier. I feel like I can achieve anything, and that if I can take a scary leap from blonde to dark brown hair (maybe only scary to me) and survive, I can do anything.

My husband is a wonderful man. He is kinder to me than I think I deserve, loving, and never ceases to tell me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. Now I feel like I deserve those words. It's not just because I finally look as pretty as he says I am, but because I did something bold and daring, and he respects me for it and loves me for it.

It took a bit of strength to want to change something so much. If you knew me, you'd know how much I panic when any sort of big changes occur. Oh don't be mistaken. I panicked a little while I was sitting in the chair waiting for the dye to soak into the root and core of each individual strand of hair. I thought, "What if I don't like this? Oh, it looks SOO dark, and too reddish. I'd have to have my hair bleached again to strip it. It'll cost so much to fix, and destroy my hair! I'll have to cut it, and it took so long to get it this length. Oh god, oh god. I made a huge mistake." But, it passed within a few minutes of it coming, because I realized that sometimes there is no going back, and that change is ok, and can be so wonderful! I've experienced a number of wonderful big changes over the last 2 years (getting married, moving to Altoona for my husband's job). This initial change wasn't nearly as big as those, but the changes that will come from it will be.

All this from dying my hair. Sometimes the smallest ripple can create the biggest waves.

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