Wednesday, February 22, 2012

It's 11PM, Do You Know Where Your Drunk Friend Is?

Everybody has their share of awesome college stories. Times they got drunk and did stupid stuff, times they did stupid stuff sober, police run ins, drug-fueled misadventures (thank you Robert Brockway), and the list goes on and on.

Well, I personally have a great lesson in why you should always lock your dorm room door. For once, this was NOT something I thought I was seeing in my sleep (see I See Dead People...). I warn all my cute little college bound cousins and friends about the dangers of leaving your door unlocked at night. What if you thought you did everything right, but everything turns out so very very wrong?

Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story:

The Tale of Some Drunk Bitch In My Bed.

It was a cold December evening. My roommate and I had our last final of our Sophomore year, Music History, at 8 AM, and were about as prepared as anybody was who took Music History. So, pretty much winging it at that point. In fact, rather than study, we took pictures of ourselves sprawled in the hallway with bottles of Jones Soda surrounding us as if we were passed out. We were thorough. We took the labels off.

Ah memories.

Anyway,  I slept on the top bunk and usually used a special corner of my desk that wasn't cluttered to climb up into it. For once, the desk was completely clear, so getting into bed was easy. We even decided it was time to unplug our Christmas lights, which we left on 24/7 to leave a pleasant glow while we slept, as well as avoid my snapping my spine climbing down the bunk to go pee at night. We thought we had locked the door, because we always locked the door.

Let me recap here:

Clear desk.
No lights.
Unlocked door.

                                       I search for "DANGER", and this is what I get.                                       Marco Torresin

At around 3 AM, I wake up to the feeling of someone watching me. Startled, I look up to see my roommate, who giggles, and then slithers head first under my covers with me. Totally creeped out, I lift the covers and say, "Ang...what are you doing?" She responds with a giggle and pulls the covers back over her face. I notice a strong smell of alcohol emanating from her covered face, which strikes me as odd, because we went to bed at the same time, and she was definitely sober.

Not being one to judge (and finding it next to impossible to get her out of my bed), I think, "Fine. If she's going to sleep in MY bed, I'm just going to sleep in hers" and climb down. After I hop off of my desk, I start towards her bed when I notice, shockingly, my roommate Ang sleeping in her bed.

Imagine expecting this but seeing the person who should                  Photostock
         have been in your bed in her bed. Yep.

Seeing as how it's 3 AM and I'm still groggy, my first impulse is to scream "HOLY SHIT THERE'S A GOD DAMN GHOST IN MY BED!!!" Opting for a quieter, much saner route, I whisper in a panic,

"Ang. Ang! There's a girl in my bed!"

My roommate, having experienced my sleep talking, says in all seriousness, "Are you awake?"
I whisper less quietly, "Of course I am! What the hell kind of question is that?"
"Hey Roomie?"
"Yeah Ang?"
"There's a girl in your bed."

                                           YOU THINK????!!!                                  Graur Codrin

Resisting the impulse to throw something at her, I go turn on the light while she gets up to investigate. I hear her start to giggle as soon as I turn the light on and I ask her what's so funny.

Then she lifted the sheets.

It's less cute when you replace a teddy bear with a passed out 21 year old stranger, unless, of course, you're a guy,

My mysterious and drunken bed thief had wet herself. She had turned 21 that night and was sleeping in the RA's room, and perhaps wet herself on the way to the bathroom and walked 3 doors down to our room. Apparently before she decided to be my bed buddy, she tried to climb into bed with my roommate, who thought it was me being weird and sleep walking. She then sat, with her pee soaked self, in my desk chair and stared at Ang until perhaps it seemed she should try for the top bunk instead.

After convincing her she needed to go back to the RA's room, I got 3 more hours of sleep on the floor before my stupid final.

Extra points if you picked up on the 'Are You Afraid of the Dark?' reference.

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